Pathological Jealousy – Crushes Souls, By Lee-Anne Van Den Broek
There are many cruel tactics used by perpetrators of abuse, one of the most damaging to those living under these conditions is pathological jealousy. While some level of jealousy within loving relationships is normal, and indeed an ancient instinct used to secure and protect a mate, it is very different from that of pathological jealousy. In healthy terms, jealousy refers to a fear of losing something we have with another person, whilst pathological jealousy means the person believes they own or possess the other person. This kind of jealousy destroys not just relationships, but the one living with its detrimental impact. Trust, intimacy, and connection are destroyed.
Pathological jealousy is one of the most dangerous aspects within abusive relationships, leaving those living under these conditions mentally, emotionally and physically drained, especially if they have remained in the abusive relationship for a long duration of time. One of the most frustrating parts of this abuse, is no matter how hard the person tries to reassure or appease her abuser, she won’t be believed, as these people simply do not trust no matter what is said or done.
In fact, these individuals look for reasons to be jealous, and inflict suffering on the devastated partner with whom was not inclined to be unfaithful in the first place. Most people that live with a pathologically jealous partner, are so tormented with isolation tactics, name-calling, interrogations and accusations, that the last thing on earth they want to pursue is sex with someone else – they would in most cases, prefer the opposite sex did not exist at all.
Pathological jealousy is truly a narcissistic trait, and any relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder will destroy you. People living with domestic abuse feel completely drained of energy and life-force, some days just doing their day-to-day activities near kills them because their soul is afraid and lifeless. It is a world of manipulation and control, where the one living with abuse is robbed of their power. Please be understanding of their situation, the last thing they need are judgements or people pressuring them to leave, it is not that simple.
Women living with abuse have very complicated lives, and those with children have more than themselves to protect. They are often robbed of every resource, and know that leaving could very well leave them standing with only the clothing on their back. Many ask why material possessions are so important, why don’t they just get out of there and then rebuild their lives. Imagine for a moment, working hard for the things you love, and having items left to you by beloved loved ones, and then leaving it all behind. Think of your children, all their treasured possessions and photographs, and just leaving it all behind.
Leaving an abusive relationship is no easy feat, not only are resources and support networks stripped, there is a good chance that the abuser will not leave their partner out of sight long enough to make the escape, and many do not want to inflict harm on others that may be willing to help, so they silently suffer alone in a world of torment. They need our love and support, never our judgements! Women living in this world need us to show them they are not alone, no matter how they chose to deal with their situation, so please, let’s offer that, and always be there when they reach out for our help.
Van Den Broek, L. (2017). [blog]. Pathological Jealousy – Crushes Souls. www.youcounsellingforwomen.com
